Stars of Happiness and Success
Building Strong Marriages and Leadership
for Marriage and Leadership
(introduction)
Both need the ingredients similar to nurturing a beautiful budding Rose.
Star of Protecting
( Building Hedges, Building boundaries, drawing lines)
Offering Gifts (nurturing), bringing out talents, and Receiving Gracefully
Stars, Kites, and Strings ( Introduction) A firm foundation
(Creating environment for trust and growth)The story of the kite and string
Stars in Communication Stars
Strong in Spirit and in Trust
( A man or woman who has a cooperative spirit is like apples of Gold!)
There must be a solid unity of Trust for a firm foundation..
in Marriage.
A. Trust.. is earned
B. Mate is confident that he or she will not be embarrassed by what is said.
C. You do this having some conversation for the two of you…( There are some things you must not tell others, it should be for the sacredness of your mate and your ears only. )
D. Surround yourselves with Iron Walls of Unity Image.
E. Build each other up in front of others… Never put down or make another one
F. appear 2nd… in your judgement.
G. You are only as strong as you appear to be in public.
H. Realize, every human being will have opinions… when yours differ with your mates… you always should have respectful conversations… ( As Illustrated)
I. Never appear in public that you and your spouse are not in unity… whether social or in leadership…( It is
critical of importance to keep respect of others that you lead your own household well.)
Stars of Building Words
You are Beautiful. You are beautiful. You are Handsome.
You are confident.
That was awesome!
Your decision was excellent.
You make a great leader.
I love the way you said that.
I feel secure around you.
Positive facial admiration Or positive touching… such as patting and encouragement to show approval…
Blocking Words or Action
Use of Negative words to describe one another
Making faces behind their back to get someone to laugh.
Having a sour look on your face to let others know you are not happy with your mate or what they said
After you had a disagreement … go tell your friends or your associates
Dumbing one down…. Dummy… idiot… what do you know about that?
Daddy’s boy… or Mommy’s girl… in a negative way…
Managing Time for Each other to Nurture talking to one another
3. Setting the Time for Gentle Talks
a. Understanding how to use the fruits of the spirit… is imperative for
building a strong loving marriage.
Kindness, gentleness, patience… temperance….
b. Have an appointed time to relax not when it is real late and you are tired. Tiredness yields more quarreling, and not conducive to understanding one another
Star of Gentle Speaking
C. Gently speak your needs by asking questions such as … If you were put in my position what would you do or how do you think a person should respond when given these particular sets of equation.
D. Gentle talks are a good time to express your appreciation for the work he or she is doing and the amount of time the person is putting into your relationship makes you feel soo happy. Thank you for the coffee, the everyday… things …. Wife can say… thank you for being so
Mindful of our needs such as emptying the trash, making sure we are safe. Thank you for providing me with security and safety.
Star of Time
E. Having a time of the day you both can relax and drink coffee or tea… helps you to establish in your mind that you have a time you can depend on that you can chat about the good and sometimes the not so good.
Star of Guide lines that are kept
for communication, when you agree or don’t agree
F. Establishing lines… that you speak well of others to each other often and if you do bring up something bothersome… about someone… always end it with … please help me pray about this… as I really want to look past the trivial and be more like Jesus my self. (This practice helps to build your character as well as your mates.) Tell your mate while you love them… you don’t want to breed ill feelings of others and make them feel bad.
When you don’t agree
Tips from Dale Carnegie’s course on Winning friends and Influencing Others.
There are different styles of thinking and speaking to keep you on track…
For instance : When you strongly disagree with your mate but don’t want to be judgemental or conflicting, try this peace keeping method:
(Ex) Say, “I understand where you are coming from… but, have you ever looked at it like this?”
If they still don’t understand, or it is becoming tense, just say,”It’s no problem, but maybe we could talk about this tomorrow.” (Try to change the subject to something that you know both of you can agree.)
Techniques to establish:
These are also good tools to use with all friends that have opposite positions on political views.
As a young couple, you are also transitioning into your own adult life and have needs of others understanding you. There may be times when you feel you need to protect your mate or vice versa.
**********************************
Stars for good conversation
When you are speaking to overseers,here are a few very good ethics to keep in mind.
(Even when they may lack, it is in your best interest to follow a good ethical system such as this one).
Keep a steady eye contact.
( In this day and time, the phone can be a distraction.) Please turn off your phone. Remember to give others your undivided attention. You will benefit from listening well and also showing them this courtesy.
Always defer speaking until after they have finished.
Always listen attentively:
To listen to your overseer is courtesy, you don’t have to always agree with them, but you should always act in such a way that is courteous, kind, and co-operative. Never just say, I don’t agree with you on that. There are other ways to handle it.
( Ex.) When you don’t fully agree… you can say something like this: I can see what you are saying is very important to you. I am certainly looking forward to working on this in the future.
If this is your overseer for your department whom you are working under, you should readily show a willing spirit and eager to try what they are saying. Remember you didn’t get to the place you are alone and it takes others to help you go forward.
( Ex.) I am very eager to help implement your idea. I am sure it will be a wonderful addition to our team or
company.
Star of Godliness and holiness pertaining to the up-building of one another
1. Being committed to one another in speech when together or apart.
2. Nurturing a sense of clothing that compliments you in good taste, style, and communicates well being.
3. Dressing with wholesome Godliness in mind and not that of sensual, or promoting oneself in a suggestive manner to the opposite sex. (Ladies choosing material that is not flimsy, or showy but dressing to bring glory to God, not to herself.)
4. For good grooming of hair, seek to have clean, neat hair, becoming to your face, a look that is perceived as Godly not seeking fads, punky styles, or ones that draw extra attention to yourself.
5. Seek to have neat, clean clothing, shoes, overall clean and well-groomed look.
6. Pursue well groomed nails and hands, for these speak of who you are and we use them as tools to speak.
(You would not think of not brushing your teeth, likewise be considerate and take just as good care of your fingernails and hands.)
7. How one sees us is sometimes their only picture of how they see cleanliness and Godliness.
(our mate and children deserve a good picture if they are to respect and model it from your ex. )